Principled
Communication
By Stephen R. Covey
Since the publication of my
book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I have worked with
many wonderful individuals who are seeking to improve the quality of their
communications, relationships, products, services, organizations, and lives.
But sadly, I see many people
using a variety of ill-advised approaches. In effect, they try to apply
short-cut, manipulative practices learned in academic and social systems to
natural systems, the "farms" of their lives.
The Problem: Alternate
Centers
Let me share with you some
examples of the problem. Then I will suggest the principle-centered solution.
- Some executives justify
heavy-handed means in the name of virtuous ends. They say that "business is
business" and that "ethics" and "principles" sometimes have to take a back seat
to profits. Many see no correlation between the quality of their personal lives
at home and the quality of their communications at work. Because of the social
and political environment inside their organizations and the fragmented markets
outside, they think they can abuse relationships at will and still get results.
- The head coach of a
professional football team once told me that some players don't pay the price
in the off-season. "They come to camp out of shape," he said. "Somehow they
think they can fool me, make the team, and play great in the games."
- When I ask in my
seminars, "How many of you would agree that the vast majority of the work force
possess far more capability, creativity, talent, initiative, and
resourcefulness than their present jobs allow or require them to use?" The
affirmative response is about 99 percent. We all admit that our greatest
resources are being wasted.
- Our heroes are often
people who make a lot of money. And when some hero an actor, entertainer,
athlete, or other professional suggests that we can get what we want by
practicing hardball negotiation, closing win-lose deals, and playing by our own
rules, we believe them, especially if social norms reinforce what they say.
- Some parents don't pay
the price with their kids, thinking they can fake it for the public image and
then shout and slam the door. They are then shocked to see that their teenage
kids experiment with drugs, alcohol, and sex to fill the void in their lives.
- When I invited one
executive to involve all his people and take six months to write a corporate
mission statement, he said, "You don't understand, Stephen. We will whip this
baby out this weekend." I see people trying to do it all over a weekend trying
to rebuild their marriage on a weekend, trying to change a company culture on a
weekend, trying to pump out a major new business proposal. Some things just
can't be done over a weekend.
- Many executives take
criticism personally because they are emotionally dependent on their employees'
acceptance of them. A state of collusion is established where executives and
employees need each other's weaknesses to validate their perceptions of each
other and to justify their own lack of production.
- In management, everything
goes to measurement. July belongs to the operators, but December belongs to the
controllers. And the figures are manipulated at the end of the year to make
them look good. The numbers are supposed to be precise and objective, but
everyone knows they are based on subjective assumptions.
- Most people are turned
off by "motivational" speakers who have nothing more to share than entertaining
stories mingled with "motherhood and apple pie" platitudes; they want
substance; they want process; they want more than aspirin and band-aids for
acute pain. They want to solve their chronic problems and achieve long-term
results.
- I once spoke to a group
of executives at a training conference and discovered that they were bitter
because the CEO had "forced" them to "come and sit for four days to listen to a
bunch of abstract thoughts." They were part of a paternalistic culture that saw
training as an expense, not an investment. Their organization managed people as
things.
- In school, we ask
students to tell us what we told them; we test them on our lectures. They
figure out the system, and then they party, procrastinate, and cram to get the
grades. They think all of life operates on the same short-cut system.
The Solution: Center on
Principles
These are problems that
common approaches can't solve. Quick, easy, free, and fun approaches won't work
on the "farms" of our lives because there we're subject to natural laws and
governing principles. Natural laws, based upon principles, operate regardless
of our awareness of them or our obedience to them.
Often habits of
ineffectiveness are rooted in our social conditioning toward quick-fix,
short-term thinking. In school, many of us procrastinate and then successfully
cram for tests. But does cramming work on a farm? Can you go two weeks without
milking the cow, and then get out there and milk like crazy? Can you "forget"
to plant in the spring, goof off all summer, and then hit the ground real hard
in the fall to bring in the harvest? We might laugh at such ludicrous
approaches in agriculture, but then in academic environments, we might cram to
get grades and degrees.
The only thing that endures
over time is the law of the farm: I must prepare the ground, put in the seed,
cultivate, weed, water, and nurture growth. So also in a business or a marriage
there is no quick fix where you can just move in and magically make everything
right with a positive mental attitude and a package of success formulas.
Correct principles are like
compasses: they are always pointing the way. And if we know how to read them,
we won't get lost, confused, or fooled by conflicting voices and values.
Principles such as fairness, equity, justice, integrity, honesty, and trust are
not invented by us: they are the laws of the universe that pertain to human
relationships and organizations. They are part of the human condition,
consciousness, and conscience.
People instinctively trust
those whose personalities are founded upon correct principles. We have evidence
of this in our long-term relationships. We learn that technique is relatively
unimportant compared to trust, which is the result of our trustworthiness over
time. When trust is high, we communicate easily, effortlessly, instantaneously.
We can make mistakes, and others will still capture our meaning. But when trust
is low, communication is exhausting, time-consuming, ineffective, and
inordinately difficult.
Most people would rather
work on their personality than on their character. The former may involve
learning a new skill, style, or image, but the latter involves changing habits,
developing virtues, disciplining appetites and passions, keeping promises, and
being considerate of the feelings and convictions of others. Character
development is the best manifestation of our maturity. To value oneself and, at
the same time, subordinate oneself to higher purposes and principles is the
paradoxical essence of highest humanity and the foundation of effective
leadership.
Principle-centered leaders
are men and women of character who work with competence "on farms" with "seed
and soil" and who work in harmony with natural, "true north" principles and
with the law of the harvest. They build those principles into the center of
their lives, into the center of their relationships, into the center of their
communications and contracts, into their management processes, and into their
mission statements.
Dr. Stephen R. Covey is
an internationally respected leadership authority, family expert, teacher,
organizational consultant, and co-chairman of Franklin Covey Co. He is also the
author of several acclaimed books, including The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People.
From
Executive Excellence
Magazine
Copyright
© 1992, 2001 by Franklin Covey
Co. All rights reserved. For personal use only.
